Life & Laughter Chronicles

There is nothing more rewarding than bringing a mini best friend into the world—a sweet baby the Lord entrusted to you specifically to steward and cherish. It’s crazy how, through the process of bringing a baby earthside, I found myself clinging to my prayers with God more and more.
Now I know.
I know that labor doesn’t start when you’re getting ready to push the baby out, but it starts the minute you find out about the miracle growing in your womb. With labor, there is fruit. 🩷

So, here is my labor/birth story. Brevin and I found out a month into being married that we were going to welcome a sweet baby into the world, and we were beyond excited. That said, growing a baby is no easy task (at least, it wasn’t for me). With every growth spurt Laelle was taking in my belly, it felt like every ounce of energy I had was drained. Pregnancy left me throwing up, beyond tired, emotionally drained, struggling with extreme anxiety about making it to term, dealing with body image issues, and just feeling kind of “blah.” Now, I say this to be open about how hard pregnancy can be, but on the flip side, it was also the most beautiful experience in the world, and I will go through it as many times as the Lord lets me.

When I say beautiful, I mean the first time you hear their little heartbeat, the moment you get to see them floating around, the outward joy of God’s creation starting to show to everyone, and my favorite and most missed part of pregnancy—the sweet little kicks letting you know they’re here, waiting to meet you.
Pregnancy is beautiful, and the amount of surrender it takes is something I never knew I had the ability to do at the capacity that gives peace throughout the process. God’s intentionality in not just creating life, but also in creating circumstances to draw His daughters near to Him, is breathtaking.

Once it was time for Laelle to start making her way into this world, I decided not to accept that I was in labor until they told me I was. So, here begins the start of the most intimate, most rewarding, wonderful experience I’ve ever had with God.

All week, I had been just really uncomfortable. I had told Brevin that I was either sick or the baby was coming. Then, two days after the basketball pep rally, I was feeling very withdrawn—not really in the mood to be social, kind of apathetic. So, I went to bed early, around 7:30 p.m. But then… I woke up at 10 p.m., wide awake, in the best mood of my entire life. In that moment, I knew there was no way I was just going to fall back asleep. So, I lit some candles, made sure the lights were off (didn’t want to mess up my circadian rhythm ;)), and got into the shower. I played my labor playlist—funny enough, because it had my favorite worship songs on it—and I just started to worship and pray. The Lord tells us to give all our desires to Him, and in prayer, we get to plead and petition. That’s exactly what I did when it came to wanting my baby. I asked Him to let me hold my sweet girl on Christmas Day and that I really wanted to meet her soon. In that prayer, I also, for the first time, truly surrendered my timeline for when she would come.

You see, since she was born during basketball season, I was fixated on the time that I thought would be best for her to be here. The moment I humbled myself and admitted that God was the one who knew when the best time for Laelle to arrive was, an amazing thing happened. I ended up getting out of the shower, feeling ready to try and sleep again, and the second I laid down, I went into labor (granted, at the time, I just thought it was Braxton Hicks). So, at 11 p.m. on 12/12, the adventure began. I laid in bed until probably about 2 a.m., when the contractions started to feel more uncomfortable, and I realized I wasn’t going to be able to fall asleep. So, I started timing them and hopped back into the shower to help me relax.

My contractions were about 4-10 minutes apart, lasting 30-45 seconds, but in my head, I was convinced they were really inconsistent. In my classes, they taught everything in odd numbers, so I became fixated on this idea that for contractions to be real contractions, they had to be within odd numbers. 😆 I laid back down until about 3 a.m. after getting out of the shower and decided laying down just wasn’t going to happen. I wasn’t comfortable, and my body was telling me I needed to move and relax. So, I listened to what my body needed and got right back in the shower.

At about 3:30 a.m., I really had to start focusing on breathing through my contractions, and I was now scared something was wrong with the baby (because, again, I was in major denial). At this point, my contractions were 4-6 minutes apart, so I finally called the midwife on call. She told me it sounded like I was in labor, but since my contractions were still inconsistent, she said to let her know if they became more consistent and closer together, or we could come in at 8 a.m. to check my progress. I finally woke Brevin up to tell him we were probably having a baby today and that he could go back to sleep. He did not go back to sleep—thank goodness, because as soon as I walked into the living room on my birthing ball, I needed Brevin to start timing contractions so I could focus on breathing and movement.

For about 2 hours, from 4 a.m. to 6 a.m., my contractions progressed and were 2-4 minutes apart (still, I was convinced I wasn’t that far along and that they were still inconsistent). Looking back, I definitely was in major denial, but in my defense, I didn’t want to be the first-time mom who kept having false alarms because I didn’t want to be disappointed. Brevin was doing counterpressure when I needed it and helped me as I slowly made my way around the house (I was trying to stay productive to keep my mind focused on something else). Now that my contractions were more intense, I just remember repeating, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus,” because I knew there is power in His name, and I needed to call on Him to be with me and give me endurance for the marathon that my baby girl and I were about to take on.

Finally, at 8 a.m., we went in, and they said I was 8 cm dilated! Can you believe it? I was so thrilled and finally accepting that we were going to meet our sweet baby girl! Our birthing team was amazing and helped me remember how to breathe through and ride each wave as it came. I had to surrender to the moment. My husband was amazing, and when I say that birth was the most intimate experience with God I’ve ever had, I mean it wasn’t just the power that was happening through prayer and calling on Him, but it was the way God showed me in such a breathtaking way how Christ cares for His church. My husband was representing Christ (like when you get married, the groom is Christ, and the bride is the representation of the church) in the way he held me, the way he encouraged me, and the way he was so intentional in supporting me through what I was navigating for the first time.

I did stall, so they broke my water at 11 a.m., and by around 1 p.m., I was fully effaced and ready to push. Then, the Lord gave me rest. I was exhausted; I had been laboring all night. I called out to the Lord, asking for endurance, and in that endurance, He gave me rest. I remember being able to just breathe and take in the final moments before meeting Laelle. When my body was ready, I didn’t need to try and push—it just knew what it was created to do and did it.

We met Laelle at 2:36 p.m. that day, and in that moment, I knew the Lord had given Brevin and me the most precious gift. I knew I would never be the same again. The empowerment, confidence, patience, perseverance, and gentleness that washed over me in that moment of becoming the woman God had called me to be was something I can’t fully express in words.

Looking back on our experience of giving birth, I remember it being the most amazing, hard, and fun thing I have ever done. We decided that doing an unmedicated water birth worked best for our family, and I truly believe the peace that comes with it is worth every contraction. However, what works for our family may not work for yours. So, my encouragement is to do your research on birth and everything around it, and do what’s best for you and your convictions. If you’re thinking about doing a home birth, I urge you to go for it—I can almost promise you won’t regret it, not even a little.

This post has been extremely long, so I will share my postpartum experience soon, separately. 🩷